Some of my doula clients go into birth hoping/planning to avoid an epidural. Then one of three things happens:

1. They don’t get one.
2. Labor goes on for 24 (or 48) hours and they can hardly stand up anymore, let alone deal with contractions, so they decide to get an epidural.
3. Labor starts, and they change their mind about what they want and decide to get an epidural.

Most women who don’t get an epidural are happy with their choice, and most women who GET an epidural are happy with their choice. Some women, though, are happy they got an epidural AND anxious about having to tell people that they got an epidural. They can envision the smug looks on the faces of family, friends, and co-workers. They can hear the chorus of “I told you so!”. Instead of looking forward to sharing the story of their baby’s birth, they are dreading sharing the tiny detail that will result in triumphant crowing from Judgey McKnowitall.

Judgey, this post is for you.

Here’s how to not be an asshat when someone is sharing her birth story with you:

1. If she got an epidural and is happy about it, say: “That’s great! I’m so glad it worked well for you! You’re amazing!”
2. If she got an epidural and was glad for the pain relief but feels like a failure for getting one, say: “It sounds like your labor was really intense. I’m glad you were able to get some relief. You’re amazing!”
3. If she got an epidural because her labor was 60 hours long, say: “You must have been exhausted! You’re amazing!”
4. If she’s upset because she got an epidural, either because she experienced side effects, or it didn’t work well, or it wore off, or it was a last resort before a c-section, say: “That must have been really hard. I’m sorry you had to go through all that. You’re amazing!”

1. “Didn’t I say you’d end up getting an epidural? Didn’t I say you were crazy for not wanting one?”
2. “I knew it!”
3. “I told you so!”
4. “Huh. I made it through five births without an epidural.”